GETTING THROUGH TOUGH TIMES

24 Apr

Tuesday morning around 4:45am Zach’s phone rang and, being the light sleeper that I am, I woke up even before him. I could tell it was bad news and when he got off the phone he told me his grandma had died. That was the end of sleeping for the night as we talked a little and mostly lay there for comfort. Naturally I was EXhausted all day. I tried to keep my day normal and do gazelle and other daily workouts anyway though. Zach was around off and on throughout the day and I tried to be whatever he needed at the time whether that was acting completely normal or talking about stuff with him or just being with him. After work we went for a 20 minute walk around the neighborhood together which was good; he said he likes doing normal things. That night we went over to Ron and Vicki’s house. Her friend Ginger had brought over food from MCL and we ate and watched slideshows of pictures of Evelyn and planned some funeral arrangements. Zach and I didn’t get home until around 9:30 and we stayed up talking a bit longer and by the time I went to sleep it was still going to be less than 8 hours but obviously more than the night before!

  • Breakfast – yogurt w/strawberries and granola
  • Lunch – broccoli and cauliflower w/cheese, banana w/PB & mini choc. chips
  • Supper – salad, fruit, roll, chicken, mac and cheese, mashed pot., small sliver pie

Wednesday morning came far too soon. I needed more sleep! This whole growing a baby thing is the most exhausting thing I’ve ever experienced. Again though I did my gazelle and went on with a normal day. I wasn’t as tired as the day before so that was good. Zach was still very sad of course, but holding up a little better than on Tuesday which is to be expected. Bean and I hit 18 weeks, trucking right along! It’s hard to believe that our big ultrasound is in less than a week (praying all is well developmentally with baby!) and then we’ll know gender 5 days after that.

After work I stopped by the nursing home to see my great-grandma. She was recently put into a nursing home in Muncie and has been declining very rapidly. Mom has been so upset that she can’t get out to see her more often because of her injured feet and it’s just a fact that the residents who have family come more frequently receive better care. I thought maybe if I started going a couple of times a week it could ease some of Mom’s worry and burden so I stopped in. I hadn’t seen her since she went in but knew she’d not been eating or communicating and didn’t seem to recognize Mom and Grandma the last time they visited. They were in the dining room when I got there and I sat next to her and at first she didn’t want me to touch her, didn’t look at me or acknowledge me or do anything really. But then a worker changed the batteries in her hearing aids and she could hear and when I started talking to her and said “Jordan is here to see you” she looked up at me and it was crazy to see the recognition and light go on in her eyes. It was sweet and sad at the same time. She was just so, so happy and even though she couldn’t get words out very well she talked a little. Mostly I just talked about normal life stuff to her and held her hand and she kept kissing my hand repeatedly. I couldn’t stay long, only about 20 minutes but she said “I love you” when I told her I loved her (she hadn’t been saying that when Mom visited) and I let her know I’d come back and she just seemed so happy to see me that it was humbling. So now I suppose a weekly or bi-weekly trip to the nursing home will be on my agenda as long as she hangs in there. I doubt it will be that long though because she is down to 80 pounds. I don’t know how she could even lose any more weight without entirely wasting away!

I went to Mom’s after this and told her about visiting Grandma and I rode the bike for half an hour before dinner. I ate with Mom and Dad and took food home to Zach after. He’d been working on a house late and then was at home painting the fireplace. Trying to finish the living room before the party!! Zach ate and then we really just talked for almost 2 hours before bed. He has always been the type of person that shuts down a little and blocks people out when he is sad or disappointed or experiences negative emotions but thankfully he doesn’t do that with me. Years ago he would have, like back in high school, but we’ve been together so long now and I have always stressed communication as one of the most important things in our relationship that it’s second nature. Now he is incredibly open and honest with me, unafraid of being vulnerable. It was therapeutic for him and I let him talk as much as he needed. I am not always sure if I am offering up too much advice and support (I’m obviously a very wordy person) but I felt like I’d done the right thing when he said how much it helped and how much better he felt by the time we went to sleep. He was there for me in every facet when my grandpa died several years ago and now I have the chance to do the same for him.

Wednesday’s Food Journal:

  • Breakfast – 1 slice toast, 1 egg, blueberries
  • Lunch – juice (avocado, lemon, spinach, lime, apples and I don’t know what else!)
  • Supper – veggies, chicken w/rice, cinnamon roll

Sorry my last couple of posts have been so wordy and free of photos! I promise I’ll have more pictures up in the ones to come!

206 miles.

 

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